Four
by davekatshideout
Summary: Something I randomly thought of. Rated T for instances of language. Self harm. No pairing really...


**A/N: I haven't published anything new in ages...so take this. My first Attack on Titan story...just something short. The idea came to me last night. **

* * *

After all that had happened, there was a number that had become etched into his mind.

Four.

Four faces. Four names.

Four teammates.

Four friends.

Levi wanted to forget...but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

Those four deaths were on his watch. He should have protected them.

He cursed himself for not being a better leader.

Presently, Levi was situated on one of the team's horse carts, looking at the sky. Nightfall had long since passed and the Titan threat was minimal, so the expedition had halted briefly to allow its members some time to rest.

Levi was bitterly recalling the recent incident with the female-type Titan that had cost the entire elite squad, excluding Eren and himself, their lives. He often found himself asking what they had done to deserve that. They all had their entire lives ahead of them...

He'd vowed never to forgive himself for those casualties. This was precisely the reason for the four new slashes on the inside of his right forearm.

Sure, it had hurt putting them there- but that pain was nothing, compared to what his squad had gone through. These wounds were flesh reminders of the fact that Levi had failed.

He still remembered the words he'd muttered, over and over, as the blade dragged through his skin- _don't forget...don't forget...don't fucking forget..._

Even though he'd physically harmed himself, Levi knew better than to attempt suicide. As much as he hated to admit it...he was one of humanity's last hopes.

Welcoming death seemed like a cowardly decision. Levi didn't want an easy out.

Besides, there is no pain in death...and pain was exactly what Levi felt he deserved.

He'd taken to touching his self-inflicted wounds often, never letting himself catch a break. He would push up his sleeve, staring at them for sometimes minutes on end, brushing his fingers over them...all the while recalling the people he'd lost.

Levi was doing exactly that, when someone suddenly joined him. Hastily, Levi yanked back the sleeve of his jacket, before noticing it was Eren who had joined him.

Eren sat at Levi's side, not saying anything at first. He was biding his time.

Levi ended up being the first to speak. "What do you want?" he asked in his typical cool manner.

"You're hiding something," Eren said, matter-of-factly. "Closing yourself off won't make anything better."

"Like hell it won't, damn brat," he hissed. "Mind your own business."

"Why were you staring at your arm?" Eren pressed on. "What are you hiding?"

"I already told you to mind your own goddamn business," repeated Levi. "It's none of your concern."

"Show me," Eren said, firmly.

"You're in _no_ position to tell me what to do, you piece of shit."

Levi was beyond annoyed at this point. He didn't need Eren prying at his emotions. He didn't want anyone to see that he'd been affected.

Eren made a grab for Levi's arm, and Levi fought him off at first, but quickly lost the will to do so. He also knew that as curious as the brat was, he would continue until he got his way.

Eren got a hold on Levi's sleeve and gently pushed it up his forearm, revealing pale skin and several half-healed reddish lines.

"Reminders," Levi explained, before Eren had a chance to say anything.

Eren was silent as he counted- one, two, three, four cuts.

Eld...Gunther...Oluo...and Petra, he confirmed. It had to be.

Levi shoved Eren away once he'd seen everything. "I can't let myself forget," was all that he said, knowing Eren understood exactly what he meant.

"If anyone is at fault, it would be me, sir," Eren said. "I should have engaged the female-type as soon as I got the chance-"

"-and yet, you didn't," Levi interrupted. "Why was this? It was because of me. You knew that if you tried any funny business with your Titan powers, I would personally have you killed on the spot. You didn't trust your abilities enough...you didn't trust me enough..."

Eren was once again silent. No matter what he said, Levi was going to blame this on himself. Nothing Eren could say would change that.

Out of the blue, Eren threw his arms around Levi, trembling. "I'm so sorry," he said, voice full of regret.

Levi, who was not used to being touched, froze at the sudden physical contact. He didn't know how to react, or what to expect.

All he knew was that, for the first time, he had let someone else inside.

He made a chore of keeping his emotions intact, giving off a cold, unapproachable vibe. But somehow, this damned _teenager_ had broken through his defenses.

Levi didn't return the gesture, but he didn't turn Eren away either. "Don't be sorry," he said, in a slightly gentler tone. "There's no time for regrets in this line of work. Resolve to do the best that you can do, and do it."

He placed a hand on Eren's shoulder, which was enough to get Eren to let go. "You don't have to console me," Levi said. "All that you or I can do now is try our absolute hardest."

_For them...and for all of humanity. _


End file.
